Friday, March 25, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Jumping in
I plunged into psychic waters this week, having no idea how astonishing the experience would be. Heartbreaking, challenging, terrifying, unbelievable. Could anything have prepared me, a 48 year old woman who respected the idea that some people were more "sensitive" more "intuitive" than others while not really "believing in" any of that ESP stuff-- a fairly skeptic person, but still openminded.
There were some things about all this New Age stuff I truly felt improved my life and the lives of the people I met through these connections. These were people who tried to get along with one another, who loved nature, and felt uplifted by gathering together and drumming or chanting or sharing stories around a sacred fire.
I envied some of them their gifts. I began paying attention to people who seemed to "read" other people, both close friends and TV personalities. For the past 15 years I've lived in the Florida Keys and Key West, exploring the many different paths available for exploration down here. Sometimes it seemed there was way too much conflict between groups, like certain sensitives gathered within their own clique mainly and if yoiu weren't of that they gossiped about you and how dark forces followed you or someone was attacking them psychically...and I didn't think that fit my image of highly evolved enlightened people.
I didn't want to be a pushover. I didn't want to follow any group whose members said nasty things about other groups. But I didn't want to miss out on the either.
WHOA where was I going... oh yeah, well, we did an excersice to "warm up" (HAH--warm up?? I lit myself on fire and nearly incinerated before I smelled a whiff of smoke that sunny afternoon, a warm sunny day winter's day in Key West, not at all portenteous, another damned day in Paradise.
Oh, I had walked in late, which is my normal thing. I have been having a terrible hard time being on time for anything (Don't even get me started on the 3 flights I missed before making it back to Pennsylvania in time for Christmas midnight supper -- oh, and I have YET to fill out the insurance claim, which I'm very lucky to have purchased for $35 that is if I can manage to get my ACT together in time to make a claim before it's too late.
This great miasma of thoughts in my brain--the committee meets every day all day nights too it meets in my dreams I dream of being late for putting supper on the table, not having the correct decorations in time for the party...and my father yelling at me and my mother sorry but ineffectual at convincing my father to go easy on me, she's just a kid, you expect too much no she's been put in her place too long before I was born and I just figured that out recently because my father was not at all an overbearing man. Except when you didn't meet his expectatons.
Jesus, where was I going with this, my brain has wings it just flitters off away with the wind gond with the wind, Cenara away with the win' my plaidies away and he had run after her skirts like a mad thing but he dumped her anyway she aged and he didn't because Catherine deNeuve made him into a vampire.
OKAY deal was I SAW THINGS IN MAH HEAD. And my eyes were closed. And I had TAKEN my dose of thorazine that morning, yes, nice of you to ask thanks for your concern. bitch. I saw a party hat, no lots of hats with those party favors you blow and they stream out and I saw a date like it appears on my iPhone Jan 17 or was it Jan 18?
And I asked my chosen partner in the exercise (I didn't have one and when the first exercise he saidl "choose the partners you already had" and immediate resenmet went upand I even wrote on my MacBook note page "I don't need no stinking partner" but the exercise was to read each others' minds and I was sick to death of reading my own mind all my lfe so I really didn't MeAN "piss off" when I wrote "I don't need no stinking partner" it was a childish defencse in case I ended up unable to creeate a partnership; I looked around the room--so did
look aboout for someone unengaged.
Finding no such person I thought, well, having come in late, it's my own stupid fault I don't have a partner and I'll just sit out nd obseve this one but wait==isn't this the whole point of the workshop? Was to be left out because of being late and why punish myself? Why the need always to punish myself.
So I forced my hand into the air... just a humble half-raised sigh of an arm not a demand and said. plaintively "I haven't got a partner."
No excuses just simply "I really want to do this even though I messed up will you alow me to get over my own big bad self and join the human race for a change?
So I paired with Judy (not her real name) with a bit of minor chair shuffling,
I'd nver met Judy before.Knew nothing about her. I'd never tried to "read" anyone's mind altho dick sutphen didn't put it quite that way. I didn't even hold her hand or touch her or anything belonging to her. I listened to the guided meditation. Deeper deeper deeper...I couldn't remember when or hwhy but I remembmebered that voice and script so it was fairly simple and comfortable for me to go into a hypnotic alpha statel ( I guess this is where they tell you to cluck like a chicken and you do because you are completely unaware you have an audiencel
Anyway what blew my mind out of the water was, I SAW PICTURES. I din't freak out at the time--there was no time and I was in the meditative state so I just jotted a few notes on pape to remmeber (I've worked as a theater and movie reviewer so I'm used to taking notes in the dark): cat whiskers biting teeth "is your cat tuxedo?" black and white-- he's black. she said, and he's a biter--we're having a real problem with that. "I bet you are"
Then he transmitted symbols: 3 symbols out of an artist's book of symbols he used with thousands of symbols, ancient to modern, and I got the first one before he even pulled it out of the envelop and nailed the other 2 as well. (I showed him pictures of what I'd drawn afterwards-- a few days afterwards--I was struck dumb till then, blew a fuse totally shut down felt suicidal, utterly unable to deal with seeing not only vivid pictures but the CORRECT vivid pictures--I'd never really believed ANYONE saw let alone ME who till that moment thought I had ZEro psychic ability--I'd taked the Uri Geller tests as a kid with my cousin Ellie and brother and some others and I was like the only one who got none of the pictures right. Like zero ability
which made me angry a little so so so sew buttons on ice cream.
OMG that's who DD reminds me of... Rosanne Pace. oh wow. I gotta pee BAD
Anyway Richard (or Dick) was honestly impressed when I showed him the pictures. I've been patted on the head "good girl here's a biscuit" enough times to know genuine surprise and being impressed with my work from platitudes for his enormous fan base.
And he was like "wow you really have a strong gift"
and YES this was the VERY FIRST TIME.
ahhh write it that way... like busting your cherry...no no don't do that too suggestive someone's bound to take it too seriously and question his ethics.
Someone too silly to not see the picture of his beautiful new fiance wrapped all around him on his own site. LOL.
sigh. a good day strange. like a turning point yet I'm not quite sure what to do with it.
except not wet the bed so I gotta peeeeee
bye
There were some things about all this New Age stuff I truly felt improved my life and the lives of the people I met through these connections. These were people who tried to get along with one another, who loved nature, and felt uplifted by gathering together and drumming or chanting or sharing stories around a sacred fire.
I envied some of them their gifts. I began paying attention to people who seemed to "read" other people, both close friends and TV personalities. For the past 15 years I've lived in the Florida Keys and Key West, exploring the many different paths available for exploration down here. Sometimes it seemed there was way too much conflict between groups, like certain sensitives gathered within their own clique mainly and if yoiu weren't of that they gossiped about you and how dark forces followed you or someone was attacking them psychically...and I didn't think that fit my image of highly evolved enlightened people.
I didn't want to be a pushover. I didn't want to follow any group whose members said nasty things about other groups. But I didn't want to miss out on the either.
WHOA where was I going... oh yeah, well, we did an excersice to "warm up" (HAH--warm up?? I lit myself on fire and nearly incinerated before I smelled a whiff of smoke that sunny afternoon, a warm sunny day winter's day in Key West, not at all portenteous, another damned day in Paradise.
Oh, I had walked in late, which is my normal thing. I have been having a terrible hard time being on time for anything (Don't even get me started on the 3 flights I missed before making it back to Pennsylvania in time for Christmas midnight supper -- oh, and I have YET to fill out the insurance claim, which I'm very lucky to have purchased for $35 that is if I can manage to get my ACT together in time to make a claim before it's too late.
This great miasma of thoughts in my brain--the committee meets every day all day nights too it meets in my dreams I dream of being late for putting supper on the table, not having the correct decorations in time for the party...and my father yelling at me and my mother sorry but ineffectual at convincing my father to go easy on me, she's just a kid, you expect too much no she's been put in her place too long before I was born and I just figured that out recently because my father was not at all an overbearing man. Except when you didn't meet his expectatons.
Jesus, where was I going with this, my brain has wings it just flitters off away with the wind gond with the wind, Cenara away with the win' my plaidies away and he had run after her skirts like a mad thing but he dumped her anyway she aged and he didn't because Catherine deNeuve made him into a vampire.
OKAY deal was I SAW THINGS IN MAH HEAD. And my eyes were closed. And I had TAKEN my dose of thorazine that morning, yes, nice of you to ask thanks for your concern. bitch. I saw a party hat, no lots of hats with those party favors you blow and they stream out and I saw a date like it appears on my iPhone Jan 17 or was it Jan 18?
And I asked my chosen partner in the exercise (I didn't have one and when the first exercise he saidl "choose the partners you already had" and immediate resenmet went upand I even wrote on my MacBook note page "I don't need no stinking partner" but the exercise was to read each others' minds and I was sick to death of reading my own mind all my lfe so I really didn't MeAN "piss off" when I wrote "I don't need no stinking partner" it was a childish defencse in case I ended up unable to creeate a partnership; I looked around the room--so did
look aboout for someone unengaged.
Finding no such person I thought, well, having come in late, it's my own stupid fault I don't have a partner and I'll just sit out nd obseve this one but wait==isn't this the whole point of the workshop? Was to be left out because of being late and why punish myself? Why the need always to punish myself.
So I forced my hand into the air... just a humble half-raised sigh of an arm not a demand and said. plaintively "I haven't got a partner."
No excuses just simply "I really want to do this even though I messed up will you alow me to get over my own big bad self and join the human race for a change?
So I paired with Judy (not her real name) with a bit of minor chair shuffling,
I'd nver met Judy before.Knew nothing about her. I'd never tried to "read" anyone's mind altho dick sutphen didn't put it quite that way. I didn't even hold her hand or touch her or anything belonging to her. I listened to the guided meditation. Deeper deeper deeper...I couldn't remember when or hwhy but I remembmebered that voice and script so it was fairly simple and comfortable for me to go into a hypnotic alpha statel ( I guess this is where they tell you to cluck like a chicken and you do because you are completely unaware you have an audiencel
Anyway what blew my mind out of the water was, I SAW PICTURES. I din't freak out at the time--there was no time and I was in the meditative state so I just jotted a few notes on pape to remmeber (I've worked as a theater and movie reviewer so I'm used to taking notes in the dark): cat whiskers biting teeth "is your cat tuxedo?" black and white-- he's black. she said, and he's a biter--we're having a real problem with that. "I bet you are"
Then he transmitted symbols: 3 symbols out of an artist's book of symbols he used with thousands of symbols, ancient to modern, and I got the first one before he even pulled it out of the envelop and nailed the other 2 as well. (I showed him pictures of what I'd drawn afterwards-- a few days afterwards--I was struck dumb till then, blew a fuse totally shut down felt suicidal, utterly unable to deal with seeing not only vivid pictures but the CORRECT vivid pictures--I'd never really believed ANYONE saw let alone ME who till that moment thought I had ZEro psychic ability--I'd taked the Uri Geller tests as a kid with my cousin Ellie and brother and some others and I was like the only one who got none of the pictures right. Like zero ability
which made me angry a little so so so sew buttons on ice cream.
OMG that's who DD reminds me of... Rosanne Pace. oh wow. I gotta pee BAD
Anyway Richard (or Dick) was honestly impressed when I showed him the pictures. I've been patted on the head "good girl here's a biscuit" enough times to know genuine surprise and being impressed with my work from platitudes for his enormous fan base.
And he was like "wow you really have a strong gift"
and YES this was the VERY FIRST TIME.
ahhh write it that way... like busting your cherry...no no don't do that too suggestive someone's bound to take it too seriously and question his ethics.
Someone too silly to not see the picture of his beautiful new fiance wrapped all around him on his own site. LOL.
sigh. a good day strange. like a turning point yet I'm not quite sure what to do with it.
except not wet the bed so I gotta peeeeee
bye
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